I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
