Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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