Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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