Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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