if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
