I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
