so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
