New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
