Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
