I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
