I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
