she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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