hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
