ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
