Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
a search helicopter?!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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