bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
