You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
