I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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