You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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