There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
