If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
