No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
