I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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