I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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