I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
