i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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