Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
