3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
MIDGETS
????
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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