His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
