my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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