Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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