sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
