I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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