I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
