So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
