Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
