Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
