I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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