We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
