Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
