Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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