it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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