I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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