at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
