You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
