i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
