Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
