where does the pee come out of this thing
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We don't watch enough power rangers
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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