Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
