Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All I want is dick and wine.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
